Feast on these.

“My ex-husband tried to open a can of cranberry sauce by puncturing it with a sharp knife. The knife slipped and went straight through his hand and we had to make a trip to the ER.”

–Patricia Hibbard, Facebook

Hulu

“My dog stole the turkey off the counter and dragged it down the hallway, we forgot to pick up my brother from the train station, and my great-grandmother got drunk and tried to race the kids down the hallway in a rolling computer chair.”

"My dog stole the turkey off the counter and dragged it down the hallway, we forgot to pick up my brother from the train station, and my great-grandmother got drunk and tried to race the kids down the hallway in a rolling computer chair."

—rachelr42d06f9ea

E! Entertainment Television

“The previous day, my family all got food poisoning, and the seven of us spent Thanksgiving throwing up and shitting ourselves in a house with one bathroom.”

"The previous day, my family all got food poisoning, and the seven of us spent Thanksgiving throwing up and shitting ourselves in a house with one bathroom."

—fuzzytarantula18

Universal Pictures

“My dad tried to fry the turkey and went a little too crazy.”

"My dad tried to fry the turkey and went a little too crazy."

—chloez4dc3642c4

buzzfeed.com

“My grandmother accidentally stabbed my great-grandmother in the arm. She was gushing blood, but refused to go to the hospital and instead just wrapped an entire roll of paper towels around the wound.”

"My grandmother accidentally stabbed my great-grandmother in the arm. She was gushing blood, but refused to go to the hospital and instead just wrapped an entire roll of paper towels around the wound."

“We eventually ended up going to the hospital and she got stitches, and the family swears to this day that my grandmother did it on purpose.”

—jirrb

Fox

“My hand mixer burst into flames and we had to call the fire department!”

"My hand mixer burst into flames and we had to call the fire department!"

—annad418be16fb

Fox

“When I was 4 or 5 years old, I was feeling queasy, so I only took one bite of my turkey leg. Grandma didn’t like that one bit. The next Thanksgiving everyone got a full, freshly cooked spread…and I got a turkey leg with one bite taken out of it from out of the freezer.”

"When I was 4 or 5 years old, I was feeling queasy, so I only took one bite of my turkey leg. Grandma didn't like that one bit. The next Thanksgiving everyone got a full, freshly cooked spread...and I got a turkey leg with one bite taken out of it from out of the freezer."

—thekatherine

Adult Swim

“I was in charge of making the pumpkin pie and must have switched the salt and sugar, because my cousins said it tasted saltier than the Atlantic Ocean.”

"I was in charge of making the pumpkin pie and must have switched the salt and sugar, because my cousins said it tasted saltier than the Atlantic Ocean."

“No one lets me bake for holidays anymore.” —marissanicoleb2

Netflix

“My grandpa backed up the toilet and ended up flooding the bathroom. The smell was so bad we couldn’t even finish Thanksgiving dinner at our house.”

"My grandpa backed up the toilet and ended up flooding the bathroom. The smell was so bad we couldn't even finish Thanksgiving dinner at our house."

—alexandriam43b59606a

CBS

“My aunt’s creepy husband made a speech thanking my cousin’s new boyfriend (who was meeting us for the first time) for dating her, all while standing up, sobbing.”

"My aunt's creepy husband made a speech thanking my cousin's new boyfriend (who was meeting us for the first time) for dating her, all while standing up, sobbing."

—mairesequin

Fox

“My sink drain had been getting clogged, but I decided to push my luck. By Thanksgiving day the sink was full to the top with dirty water that would not drain. My husband used the Draino that came with a snake, punctured a hole in the pipe, and the filthy water flooded the kitchen and flowed into the dining room with 14 dinner guests due in an hour!”

"My sink drain had been getting clogged, but I decided to push my luck. By Thanksgiving day the sink was full to the top with dirty water that would not drain. My husband used the Draino that came with a snake, punctured a hole in the pipe, and the filthy water flooded the kitchen and flowed into the dining room with 14 dinner guests due in an hour!"

–Erica Bengtson-Pietroluongo, Facebook

ABC

“My mom forced my brothers and I to have Thanksgiving dinner with her new boyfriend and his family. Halfway through dinner, my older brother’s IBS flared up and I had a panic attack at the table…at the exact moment my mom’s boyfriend proposed.”

"My mom forced my brothers and I to have Thanksgiving dinner with her new boyfriend and his family. Halfway through dinner, my older brother's IBS flared up and I had a panic attack at the table...at the exact moment my mom's boyfriend proposed."

—elizabethmorganw

NBC

“My mother and stepfather were drinking when he said something douchebag-y, she punched him in the face, and he fell off his chair.”

"My mother and stepfather were drinking when he said something douchebag-y, she punched him in the face, and he fell off his chair."

“And on the way out, they both fell down a flight of stairs.” —nadeau471

Warner Bros.

“Spent Thanksgiving with my dad’s family in Tennessee and developed serious rashes that swelled up. Turns out the bed had been crawling with bed bugs.”

"Spent Thanksgiving with my dad's family in Tennessee and developed serious rashes that swelled up. Turns out the bed had been crawling with bed bugs."

“I️ had to throw out everything I️ brought on that trip.” —mallorym5972

Fox

“My mother, who was drunk, started choking on a piece of turkey. Like full-on face turning blue and flailing about. My cousin gave her the Heimlich and she spit it out all over the table.”

"My mother, who was drunk, started choking on a piece of turkey. Like full-on face turning blue and flailing about. My cousin gave her the Heimlich and she spit it out all over the table."

“That was three years ago, and I haven’t been back for a holiday since.” —leighan2

Fox

“I have family from the backwoods of Arkansas, and one year I couldn’t eat the turkey because it had been cut with a chainsaw.”

"I have family from the backwoods of Arkansas, and one year I couldn't eat the turkey because it had been cut with a chainsaw."

“I’ve never been more sad than when my aunt told me as I reached for a piece.” —caitling4ecce8db5

TBS

“My grandmother decided to cook a low-carb, low-fat, zero-sugar meal for Thanksgiving to be healthier…without telling anyone.”

"My grandmother decided to cook a low-carb, low-fat, zero-sugar meal for Thanksgiving to be healthier...without telling anyone."

“And we were only offered water to drink.” —horsebeast

Warner Bros.

Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.


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